Patronus Mental Health

I don’t remember the exact moment that people decided I was a man. 

But at some point, people stopped asking me for directions as often. Seats on buses and the metro next to mine usually stayed empty. 

When you’re a man, you come into inheritances that society has decided you will now have. When the world says you’re a man, it decides to give you your own space. 

The big bold text, floating around the life of every man, is the physical space he occupies; as well as the mental one. Space that society has decreed no one else dare enter, and thus in every man’s space also is a stillness. 

Inheritances often come in pairs, and space’s companion is silence; an ever present loneliness. 

In the study of disease, we learn about risk factors. Rarely though, we also study about an aggravating factor- a ‘something’ that causes other things to move quicker, resulting in manifestations that are a little more intense.

Loneliness is an aggravating factor. 

Men are taught to be proud of our strength and encouraged to do everything by ourselves and when the child in us looks around for guidance, the people who offered it so freely a few years ago, beat that child out of us. 

The ‘strong, silent type’ is an acquired attribute.. 

The cornerstone of recovery from mental illness, and for the maintenance of mental health is support; which is also the one thing in all the world that men don’t have. 

There is a mens’ mental health crisis, but like everything else in a man’s life, it exists in the space only he has access to. The epidemiology of men’s mental health is in the things he does disclose.  

The issue is one ripe with contradictions and irony, because though men have been talking everyone’s ears off since humans could speak, the one thing we still need to learn to do is speak up. Our need to ask for help is so deeply buried under centuries of old, dusty convention that its only remnants are in the subtexts. 

Thus the only practical way to deal with this crisis, is to learn to understand the space around men and the subtexts it contains.

~By Pranav

For the longest time, whenever someone spoke of love, I always mistook it for romance. It took me ages to unlearn this. Because love comes in all ways, shapes, and forms. And there’s no comparison between the types of love. They’re all equally fulfilling and reassuring in their own way.

That doesn’t stop me from wondering how intense and all-consuming romantic love can be, though. It’s soft, and feels like being bathed in sunlight.

Really, what’s not to like about it? Holding hands, stolen kisses and tender touches, secret but heavy glances, thoughtful gifts, celebrations, the rush of meeting your significant other after a long time, or just generally co-existing in each other’s company. All of these moments are very dreamy and flowery.

Maybe it’s the feeling of being in love itself, because it’s so warm and fluffy. Maybe it’s the person. After everything is said and done, love is love and love is pretty.

Which is why it’s so easy to get carried away. To get lost in the whirlwind of emotions that come with it. To easily dance your way through all the red flags glaring at you in the face.

The thing about being out in the sun for too long is that you could easily get burned.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I want to speak about Mental Health with respect to romantic relationships.

1. The belief that a person can be perfect at all times should be thrown out the window. Humans are flawed, that’s what makes them beautiful. But what we should not do is glorify their mistakes. Remember to always speak to your partners about things they do (consciously or unconsciously) that make you uncomfortable. Confrontation is difficult, but necessary.
2. Mixed signals are a big no. Walk the other way. Do not give the time of your day to people who can’t express what they want properly. It’ll only make you sad, and worse, feel unworthy. A start of a relationship should feel like a flower blooming, not wilting and withering away.
3. If you feel like you’re not being loved or cared for enough, chances are that it’s true. Confide in someone you trust. Like I said before, it’s easy to get carried away when you’re in the thick of it all. It’s always better to get an outside perspective to put things into place for yourself.
4. Never make your partner your whole life. Your world does not revolve around them. You are your own person first, then comes your partner.
5. In a relationship, both parties are equal. If you catch a whiff of even the slightest bit of power dynamics, please step back. A significant other should be a part of your life, should help you grow and flower into a better person. They should never cause you to feel unworthy, or undeserving of love.
6. A lot of times, people think it’s okay to take out their frustrations on their significant others, but that’s unhealthy. And wrong. Developing healthy communication between yourselves will go a long way. Of course they’re allowed to complain to you, but that doesn’t give them to right to yell, shout, or worse blame you.

Wanda Pierce, a character in BoJack Horseman, very accurately says, “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

So, make sure you remove your glasses once in a while and look out for yourselves!

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovelies. I genuinely hope you all are loved, cared for, and treated like the absolute treasures you all are.

– By Krithika Raj